8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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