I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
