Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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