VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
