If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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