do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
