we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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