Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
