It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
