He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
