I swear she didn't look like that last week.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
