Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
