Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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