3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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