if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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