i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
