If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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