have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
