it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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