You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
