Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
