So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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