I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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