Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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