Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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