We won't sleep together?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
