Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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