Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
