Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
