just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
