Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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