Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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