there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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