well most of my day revolves around power hour
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
