Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
