So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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