Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
