Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
