Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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