What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
