its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
