By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
