Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
