When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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