obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
