i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
