I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
