If that was your dad, he is hot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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