New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
