honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
