...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
