Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
