Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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